Like Mother, Like Daughter?: The Effects of Growing Up in a Homosexual Home

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I learned of Ms. Jakii and her autobiography on the Ananda Lewis show addressing the issues on Gay & Lesbian Parenting. I was eager to learn more about Ms. Jakii's childhood because 1, she is an African American female and 2, she was raised by a lesbian. Even though Ms. Jakii's opposition on the show for Gays and Lesbians to parent were weak, I still thought I would give her book a chance. I'm glad I did.

For the most part, I found `Like Mother Like Daughter?' to be an excellent read; probably one of the most inspiring books one would ever come across who've ever experience a similar background. Ms. Jakii does an outstanding job in recounting her tragic childhood and the healing process she had to endure in order to forgive her mother and to love herself. This book is definitely a tear-jerker! I would encourage anyone who is trying to heal from childhood abuse to pick up this book.

But there is a `But'...

Even though this is a wonderful read it falls short in one major area:

On the surface, it appears that Ms. Jakii's primary purpose in writing her book was to give personal insight on how children of Gay and Lesbians are negatively effected by their parent's sexual orientation. In my opinion I feel the reader is mislead into believing that Ms. Jakii's childhood was LARGELY ruined by her mother's lesbianism. But if you're smart enough to look past Ms. Jakii's (well understood) bitterness, hatred and homophobic attitude toward lesbians, you're able to see that her mother's sexual orientation is (relatively) circumstantial.

I don't mean to undermine Ms. Jaskii's experience with having a lesbian mother (she seemed to suffer greatly) but, her childhood seemed to be largely impacted by a loveless, irresponsible, hurting mother who, herself, had also suffered at the hands of her parents.
Like any dysfunctional family, the cycle of abuse, neglect and lack of responsibility was the underlying cause of Ms. Jakii's unhappy childhood. This is what I found prevalent in her story. Her mother's sexual orientation and frivolous lifestyle heighten that suffering and even made Ms. Jakiis' childhood painful. But for Ms. Jakii to place blame solely on her mother's sexual orientation grossly simplifies the events in her childhood and in the end, only adds to the misrepresentation of Gay and Lesbian parents and their children.

Even though I wouldn't recommend this book to other Gay and Lesbian parents (...Unless I knowingly believe they are a spitting image of `Dorothy') I do, in some respects believe Gay and Lesbian parents could take heed to Ms. Jakii's story. There is some validity in her approach.

In the preface, Ms Jakii speaks about the hardships that children of Gay and Lesbian parents have. She goes on to explain that "there is always a certain amount of shame and gender identity questions which linger in our hearts and minds...The homosexual community may never admit it, but the damage stemming from their actions can be profound..." I think Ms. Jakii was right on point. Gay and Lesbian parents do have a greater responsibility to their children--as do any parent whose children will face prejudice and prosecution due to being "different". The shame that Ms. Jakii speaks of can be conquered with (honest) continuous education, lots of unconditional love and affection, and a willingness to be the best progressive parent possible.

I learned of Ms. Jakii and her autobiography on the Ananda Lewis show addressing the issues on Gay & Lesbian Parenting. I was eager to learn more about Ms. Jakii's childhood because 1, she is an African American female and 2, she was raised by a lesbian. Even though Ms. Jakii's opposition on the show for Gays and Lesbians to parent were weak, I still thought I would give her book a chance. I'm glad I did.

For the most part, I found `Like Mother Like Daughter?' to be an excellent read; probably one of the most inspiring books one would ever come across who've ever experience a similar background. Ms. Jakii does an outstanding job in recounting her tragic childhood and the healing process she had to endure in order to forgive her mother and to love herself. This book is definitely a tear-jerker! I would encourage anyone who is trying to heal from childhood abuse to pick up this book.

But there is a `But'...

Even though this is a wonderful read it falls short in one major area:

On the surface, it appears that Ms. Jakii's primary purpose in writing her book was to give personal insight on how children of Gay and Lesbians are negatively effected by their parent's sexual orientation. In my opinion I feel the reader is mislead into believing that Ms. Jakii's childhood was LARGELY ruined by her mother's lesbianism. But if you're smart enough to look past Ms. Jakii's (well understood) bitterness, hatred and homophobic attitude toward lesbians, you're able to see that her mother's sexual orientation is (relatively) circumstantial.

I don't mean to undermine Ms. Jaskii's experience with having a lesbian mother (she seemed to suffer greatly) but, her childhood seemed to be largely impacted by a loveless, irresponsible, hurting mother who, herself, had also suffered at the hands of her parents.
Like any dysfunctional family, the cycle of abuse, neglect and lack of responsibility was the underlying cause of Ms. Jakii's unhappy childhood. This is what I found prevalent in her story. Her mother's sexual orientation and frivolous lifestyle heighten that suffering and even made Ms. Jakiis' childhood painful. But for Ms. Jakii to place blame solely on her mother's sexual orientation grossly simplifies the events in her childhood and in the end, only adds to the misrepresentation of Gay and Lesbian parents and their children.

Even though I wouldn't recommend this book to other Gay and Lesbian parents (...Unless I knowingly believe they are a spitting image of `Dorothy') I do, in some respects believe Gay and Lesbian parents could take heed to Ms. Jakii's story. There is some validity in her approach.

In the preface, Ms Jakii speaks about the hardships that children of Gay and Lesbian parents have. She goes on to explain that "there is always a certain amount of shame and gender identity questions which linger in our hearts and minds...The homosexual community may never admit it, but the damage stemming from their actions can be profound..." I think Ms. Jakii was right on point. Gay and Lesbian parents do have a greater responsibility to their children--as do any parent whose children will face prejudice and prosecution due to being "different". The shame that Ms. Jakii speaks of can be conquered with (honest) continuous education, lots of unconditional love and affection, and a willingness to be the best progressive parent possible.